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Digging Deeply

Updated: Nov 10, 2022

I am in my own little metamorphosis again. This year of 2021 seems to be very rich with popping in and out of thinking very deeply about my life and questioning many things. This is so different from 2020, 2019 and any other year that I can remember. In this year of change my desire now is for more things to change. It seems I've turned a corner with change and I am beginning to look forward to it much more. I deeply desire the end of 2021 to look radically different from how it started and for the year 2021 not to be filled with a long list of accomplishments and to-do's but a year that has a very big heart to it. I want it to be a real turning point that I can mark and measure and say "See? That was the year.."

I am letting go of the things that drive perfectionism and searching for other ways to support myself that are less stressful. Right now I am receiving so much support with love. I am also finding that I am desiring to step into things that I was afraid of or held back in the past. I recognize that perhaps a little more devotion or structure might be needed in my life and to that I say "Yes".

There were times in my life when I was a little nervous or anxious about change. This year I see more and more how change is necessary in my life. One thing is leading to the other.

I still find it so bizarre that I am separated from everyone I know in friends and family. What's come up for me this week is this country is my playing ground or practice ground for something better at a later point in my life. I can't explain it. I just know it. For whatever reason, I have to be alone. This separation has to happen in order for greater things to begin. I feel better now that I am not resisting change as much as I did in many things at the beginning of the year.

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