I stressed about not exercising. No amount of thinking about how to make it happen or mindset clearing would help me to engage. A plan that should have taken me 6 weeks to complete took me 4 months. Every single program since then I have not completed. I am now realizing that exhaustion prevented me from being successful in this area of my life. Two days ago, I did the only thing that I knew how to do: give it to God. In 1 Peter 5:7 it says "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." I prayed this scripture over myself. God answers prayers.
He directed me to a sermon yesterday. I don't listen to Joyce Meyer often, but that's where He led me. Her sermon of the day had the answer: I've been over doing it in all areas of my life and my body is unable to perform right now. I just listened to a short motivational piece from Steve Harvey and the answer was evident: change the way I think when I wake up in the morning. Stop saying that "I've got to" and change it to "I get to". My self talk has been very full of "I've got to", especially exercise. I also forgot that I'm not living an ordinary life, I'm living an extraordinary life and expected exercise to be the same as when I lived in a house and had the necessary equipment around me and a stable timetable. It's very different now.
When I started to exercise in 2019, I did it because I felt everything about me was becoming old and my body was decaying. This time it's different. The strength and motivation to engage is lacking and the determination I had is missing. I've treated exercise with commitment that was rooted in task and for whatever reason, task is no longer supporting me.
Today I walked for 45 minutes and did 2 1/2 minutes of a 5 minute upper body workout. For once I didn't panic or judge myself. Instead I told my body "Thank you". For the next while, my inspiration will come from movement in whichever way my body wants it and I will simply say "Thank you". I will also remember to give myself the grace of more rest if I need it rather than stressing out a physically tired body even more.