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Feeling Unaligned

Updated: Nov 5, 2022

Ever had that feeling of deja vu where you ask yourself "Haven't I been here before?" That's what I am feeling these days. A bit unaligned. I'm working on myself not to judge and to embrace imperfections because of a perfectionist tendency. Check and check. It's not that.

Truthfully, I am activity avoiding. Yup. I've been asked to face the camera and get some headshots. Like dragging a dog that's in resistance, that's what I am doing. I have all kinds of excuses in my bag. I am a bit camera shy. I noticed that I've been avoiding diligently writing my book. I've reached the part where others have said they hit a wall, have a block, want to cry because it's hard. It's making me dig through my past that feels like breaking concrete quite frankly.

Two weeks ago I decided to park the exercise routine. It was easier to sleep in as it's raining every morning. Another bag of excuses. Last night I was questioning myself over this and I realized that I was not inspired to exercise. Did you know on YouTube there are short inspirational videos to encourage beginners to exercise? What a lifeline! I used it and didn't put myself in "get sh*t done" mode, which is what I normally do. I incorporated it in the day when I felt inspired to do it. I even shared a secret with Ernest that I always wanted to do rock climbing. I listened to a video on the possibility of 50 year olds doing this. It's possible. When I am at my peak, I love to move my body, feel and use its strength.

Perhaps sitting in the confession box helped me. This morning after exercising, I very peacefully sat down to write in bed. Before I knew it, I had finished my work for the day, written, exercised and even found an article from Rachel Hollis about how to write a book. She said "Don't re-read what you've written until you've completed your first crappy draft." I laughed and clapped! Thank God, I'm not losing my mind when I scrutinize what I've written and wonder who in the world would read it. This book writing is quite a journey!

Now that I've engaged in the things I am embracing, it's time to ask for support to book the headshots with the photographer. There there. That's complete too. It's out of my control so I can't avoid it any longer. Time for some FUN FUN FUN!

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