Two more weeks to go before we move. Last week we kicked things up a notch. We started to go through bins and boxes of items that we've been carrying around for years and things we recently inherited from taking care of 3 estates. Taking that load off (literally) drained me yesterday. I felt the release of the physical, emotional, and spiritual baggage come off. In life, when we're carrying a really heavy load and suddenly the load is lifted, sometimes our muscles, shoulders, neck and back are sore for a period while we recover. That's what it felt like. There was the immediate mental relief, but the physical release takes a day or two.
Last week I was emotional about leaving here. It's the first time in my life that I felt connected to a community and loved where I lived. Instead of suppressing those emotions, I allowed whatever emotions came up to last for as long as it took. I wasn't feeding it, but I wanted it to come up and to get to the end of it for my healing. Suppressing it only pushes it away to come up in an unhealthy manner at a future date.
Where does my peace lie? When God showed me something: an image of a dog pulling back on a leash. He reminded me that He wants me to go forward in a certain direction and I'm pulling back a little as I want to stay here and linger for awhile. I've learned that obedience to God brings blessings, so I will let go of pulling back on the leash and move forward with Him. When I learn to actually pick up the leash and give it to Him wholeheartedly, I know that the journey will be different.