Very early this morning I was thinking back to a memory from January 2020. I was about to fall asleep again when I felt this nudge to stay awake a little longer as if God wanted to reveal something to me. It was a memory that really struck me as to how much I've changed. Sometimes we can't see the changes in ourselves but this one memory made me sit up in bed and think about it.
It was a moment when we were preparing for our first trip to Portugal. We were at our church and someone asked us what we were going to do there. My automatic response was to work and continue to work. My mother very wisely took a breath, pointed at me and said "Work", then she pointed at Ernest and herself and said "Vacation". It was such an "Ouch and A-ha" moment in my life.
I realized then I had been so busy and work focused that I forgot what it was like to have fun and live. I am ashamed to say that even the thought of taking a vacation felt like sacrifice. I felt it was an interruption of my work routine that kept us afloat.
For a very long time I lived to work and felt guilty taking breaks and taking time for myself. I had this philosophy that the work had to get done at all costs and that included my free time. How unattractive, unhealthy and unbalanced is that?
Today, I've recognized that in the natural course of day there are times to stop and not speed through life's stop signs. During my meals I would rather sit and speak to someone and put the phone to rest. I have my Me Time in my calendar, when I think, create, read or rest. On the days where it appears I might not get a break, I've found a trigger. I have a cup of tea and I stop. I would tell Ernest that I am taking 5 minutes to have a cup of tea. He lovingly replies "Take 10".
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