I reached another fork in the road this year that really made me think about what I wanted to do. This time it was with my family. I realized that we grew emotionally disconnected. Genuine, heartfelt hugs and saying I love you were not a part of what we did. We gave hugs from having good manners and love, but not the heartfelt hugs. I know that we love one another but our expression came more from the love languages of acts of service and giving gifts.
My family is caring, polite and very well respected, but having deep meaningful conversations was not something we did often. I think like any good parent, my parents tried to pacify and keep us from harm and experiencing what the world was really like. In my 40's I realized that I grew up in a very protected bubble. I didn't know that people had all kinds of issues and hardships in their daily living. Our home was very peaceful.
This year I started to see this pattern that our family avoided confrontation when there was trouble, calling someone's bluff and discussing anything to do with emotions. I prayed about this for a long time and decided that I want the emotional connection with them. I want to see, feel and experience the depth of who they are, what they think and how they genuinely feel. I have put out my ask to have weekly conversations not talking about the news and anything superficial. My hope is that it changes my relationship with them to one that reflects the fullness of our love.